India is a terrible place to live in but I feel great when I am here

Just read about a well known musician who grew up in Rio before moving on to Los Angeles summing up his experience of living in Brazil and the US, ‘The US is a great place to live in, but I feel terrible when I am here. Brazil is a terrible place to live in but I feel great when I am here’

This contradiction also sums up my feelings about living in India and the US. India is a terrible place to live in, but I feel terrible great when I am here. However, it is not as cut and dried as can be expressed in two sentences.

I think it is question of the short term and long term feelings. In India, I sense great warmth in several small encounters during a week – the fervor of religious processions, the hustle bustle of baraat (wedding) processions, the jostling of small traders in the market place, the din at family get-together and the crowds at the the small eating stalls all over town. In the short term in the US, I feel alienated by the antiseptic surroundings, the lack of facilities to move between two places which I’ve thought up only at the last moment, the haunting absence of salesmen inside shops and the overly orderly crowds as though life is a military parade.

The long term, though, is altogether different

In India, it is the absence of law and order - nothing for the common man, everything for the rich and powerful. The unending queues and lines, only to be told finally, ‘No cash in this ATM’. The filth and muck on the streets. The total lack of quality control on all commodities. The sight of helpless children of the poor who just have no chance of a future of even average happiness. The utter exploitation of humans by brother humans.  The sickening face  - and tales - of Indian netas (leaders).

In USA, it is the sense of security and orderliness. The assurance that the state will come to the rescue of the oppressed or in need.  The ease of living life in all its glory. The glory of its national parks. The easy availability of just about anything. The rich social and cultural diversity and the universal acceptance of same. The wonderful public libraries. The outstanding sense of customer service. The march of science, research and development.

How wonderful it will be if I could live in India in all my short term moments and in the US in all my long term.

But beware. Don’t take this ‘I feel great when I am in India’, as acclaim for it rotten civic system and the government. It is a salute to the warm genetic code of its people. Maybe, I like it this way and it is an acquired taste.

What if Indian people could team up with American system!

Nationalism or Patriotism? Well, neither.

Been reading a lot about the differences between nationalism and patriotism. Tried choosing one of the two slots that I fit in best. After a fair bit of struggle, I realized that I fit in neither.
Even being a patriot doesn't appeal to me. To me, patriotism means that I approve of something - even if it is the people, culture, boundaries, language --- which is Indian. I approve of it over anything else which is in the world. Now how can that be. What else is bias? If it is good, it is good. If bad, then bad. Just because it belongs to something I am affiliated to, doesn't make it better than something I am not affiliated to. Once I start doing at, all evil starts. Things in my circle stop bothering about getting better or right. They already have my vote - so why bother?
If a limiting boundary is at all to be laid for my approval, why should it be the national boundary. Why not Asian? Why not the state or city?
Can't tie me down. Vaudhav kutumbakam ( The world is my family).

For a Gujarati - dhanda karne ka, baki vanda nahin.

Selection of the new president, Govind or Kovind, whatever, by Modi and Shah is a confirmation of what they deeply are -- Gujaratis. It is not meant to be a casteist remark because I am referring here to the trait of Gujaratis to be highly focussed on their business. That is what makes them so successful in any business they pursue. Dhanda karne ka, baki vanda nahin. Everything - family, pleasure, personal feelings - all are firmly pressed down when it comes to dhanda.
The President of India has practically no powers. He also has no responsibilities. Is just a torch bearer who no one has any use for. If the cabinet send him a bill which says ' President of India is a fool', he will HAVE to sign it. So, one expects to have a President who is well known for his magnanimity, liberal views and erudite achievements. If one has use a position as a flower, a rose suits better than a cauliflower.
But for a Gujarati, everything is second to the dhanda at hand. For Modi and Shah, the dhanda at hand is the election of 2019. So, they look hard as to what benefits can they find in this, towards the 2019 elcctions. And they come up with the name of a man who everyone now is asking ' Govind or Kovind who?' Who is this man.
Well this is that man who is the ammunition used by Modi and Shah on their polotical opponents. He is a dalit, that too a non jatav dalit. Let us see who opposes his nomination. Woe on him who opposes a dalit candidate. Is a very evvective weapon in the battle of the dhanda.

Matured in just one day

 I matured in just one day - 20 Jun 13. Arundhati Roy did it. Having purchased the kindle version of her latest ' Ministry of utmost happiness', I set out to read it. What is she getting at? What is the story line? Was it about the plight, or happiness of hijras? No, no. Is it her way to document the political and social situation of India? Doesn't look like. Was it an essay of how she sees the Kashmir problem? Not really. Then it struck and made me mature in a moment.
She was not aiming at any of these things. She was just narrating incidents as she saw them, without aiming to make them fit an aim. You see, she was expressing herself, not explaining herself. Only people who don't feel the need to fit pre-set expectations can do that. It is others who are then forced to find meaning in them, rather than they working to meet the expectations of others.
At age 64, why am I occasionally sending requests to others to hire me as a trainer? When I do so, my whole personality, even if it be on the web, changes.Willingly or unwillingly, I acquire a salesman subservient role, eager to have other find use in me. That's not maturity for a 64 year old. Also, it constrains my expression. I say what I think they want to hear or what would meet some fixed ends, rather than just to express what I observe.
Intending to act free from now onwards.

My relationship with my army

 I seem to have a love-hate relationship with the army.
On second thoughts, that's not the right explanation. That's what happens when you try to explain a complex relationship in just a sentence.
I surely love the army, but I definitely do not hate it. However, there is something negative in it, in my perception.
Let's take the love part first.
Whenever I am in a an army environment, I seem to be having the best part of my life. That's love isn't it? I am at ease in an army environment. Interacting with army officers, and more-so soldiers, seem to boost up my whole being. Something is very good about it.
If I try to analyse it ( which is not a good exercise at all), I feel very good vibes in an army atmosphere.
Now let's take the aspects that affect me negatively.
I don't find any emphasis on efficiency. For an organisation that sends people to their death missions, a non-emphasis on efficiency seems highly irresponsible to me. The systems, the people are reasonably well intentioned but not efficient at all. The sections, the platoons, the companies, the bns - at every level, they simply could be about 300% better.
The worst part is that no one is bothered about this sheer waste.
Sometimes I think that too much emphasis on efficiency would kill the warm feelings in the army? Could be. But only if it is overdone, as probably was in the US army during the Vietnam war. But one doesn't have to overdo it.
Just get more efficient, without killing off the cohesiveness of the army. Can be done.
With that, I can now describe my relationship with the army much better. I think I love the army, but I do not respect it too much.
And personally, I'd much rather be respected than loved.